spent

the flicker of wings and other things
were a story i told,
a fancy
to hold.

some bills i stole
from an unmonitored pocket
(forgot to lock it, i guess)

all those bills
add up
to millions.. inevitably.

sugar high

too much too hot to the touch it is
undermining the worth of defining
everything me

i might see

but clarity comes second to free
in this moment
is how
and crosses out now
for my sanity to remain intact
(however vision blacked, it has to)

i throw the last thing in the closet and slam the door before it all falls out..

for now,
for right right now this second
i'll spin desires more assuredly made
of candy
in the wake/weak of obsolete

anger
escape
anticipation
indulgence
freedom
diversion
hunger
all of the above

wet my lips
ride raw incessant
ecstatic
breath
away

'cause that moment
is a taste
i have
acquired

instant desire

gratified

sounds like fun

who cares

i look both ways on the road
to nowhere
with the sound of nothing
in one ear
and out the other
completely covered
with the vulnerability
of being
some other
girl

in her defense
she's stupid,
i'm sure

favorite flavor

so deliciously innocent
the taste that flickers it

i am spun from
whatever
makes
me
laugh

my eyes do not seek sight
they observe
in flattering light

i drink fire and smile

glide for miles

all i've ever

fear makes everything true
when there's nothing else to do

i wake (in a dream that
choreographs fate,
the type you create)
groggy and confused
then,
amused,
find clues
in lost laughter

which
is
all
i've
ever
been
after

no thrill in a chase
when chasing the thrill
so i sit still
and laugh

i shut no doors
yet i feel no draft..

shaky, uncertain terms

want is an apocalyptic word
seldom heard as a promise
always sung

and the lost syllables are always the loudest
in some shaky, uncertain terms they squirm
unfounded in illimitable meaning
free falling through some entangled 'once upon a time'
trying to peek out of rhyme

gently i go treading here
like never i do

the lack of distraction is the action i don't act
in fact
want is the word for what i do not
i've got
too much in my pocket now
to find change eas(il)y
stop teasing me...

do i even mean it, any of it..

what does anything deemed meaningful mean
defined, or mine, or spineless, or
blind
divine.. inspired.. discovered in time..??

well,
i don't have all day

unreal

stand back i'm
not intact i'll
fall apart the minute you're in it,
i spin it in my mind
and find
the inside
a stranger

knowing nothing,
i make a wager
a bet
the stage sets
(by a round of applause..
..how did that feel?)

real?

what the hell is that

real...
may as well speak french
or eat eel
'cause i know 'real' just as well..
i can't tell
the mirage from the hallucination
and now step with trepidation into some blank page (i swear i wrote on)
the words now all gone

the pen in my hand
is deadly
unplanned
silence

don't you know i'm armed? dangerous?
my life's work, to traumatize bliss
and make madness exist
at every page's end

i want to play pretend
but keep forgetting: I AM.

stand back
my pieces are real
and might hurt when they hit
but just for a minute

nowhere near

can't fake a lack of space
if there is none,
there is none.

nobody told me so
i just know
and space won't grow
it fills
and then some.

crazy is as crazy does
what is, was
in a afterglow of because

guess what
the air is not clear
nowhere near
'cause i see,
i hear

irrelevant by default, or fear

a lack of space faked is a barely awake state
that i can't afford
or paste
over my already over indulged (in)sense-(of)ability to fall

and so
i do nothing
at all
but watch one stall

absolutely yes

i crave the answer
by feeling the question
unknowing touch making echoes in the maze
remember a gaze
clearer than most days

make light of the dark as a million sighs
and no more
when the sound
is not
the point
it is the feel of the question
and the answer again and again
the scent of the craving
and then
the stain

the color of rain

not so plain...