where I am now

http://justagirlnamedstasia.blogspot.ca/

Winter is hard for me. I dread every hint of it approaching and hide.
All I want is to hug my dad, snuggle my puppy, and have my mom feed me her soup.
Universe, please be gentle, and kind, and loving to me right now.
I feel very alone

is this

the past's last haunting round
the end of a time spent hunting down
falling in shivers and picking out slivers
listening echoes leave softening sounds

life as a miracle stands by the door
awakened mistake barely moves on the floor
jumps at the sound of the last haunting round
the last taste of it and it will not have more

my heart is still 12 years old

when it breaks
it still thinks
it's the end
of the world
everything around it 
just fades into the background
and doesn't even matter
it's hard
to be 32
with a 12 year old heart

never moved an inch

I don't feel good. Just like I knew that I would now.
Disenchantment is getting old.
I try to open it, but that lets in the cold.
I went along for the ride. 
Miles before me, miles behind me. None of them calculated, or free.
I'm done waiting wanting wishing, I don't care why.
I'm tired.
I've had enough.

ps.

who gives a f*ck

just noticed

that I can choose to not let people's words make me feel anything less than beautiful
that I can't make you stop saying those words
that I don't know why you do but it doesn't matter
that it's not about you, it's about me

that your mouth saying those words hurts me.
that I have no idea what that means.