i might drown, but i'm okay with that

who can manage this sense of crazy
without remembering
every little
wicked, mythical twinkle

am i the only one?

if so,

you know

i'm not a puppet

but i'm
in perpetual
fascination
with the
truth

(and the
everything
that you know
that no one else does
but shhh..)

i don't have strings
so don't try to pull them
it's a waste of energy
and time

wicked, mythical twinkles
rock
my
boat

make me float

draft #78

lonely
lips
my hips
make lies out of sighs, i try
it works
a curse, of sorts
the more i listen
the less
i kiss
and the farther away closer seems to come

run? what from?
my solace is a mystery
misery
bred by opinion
and shallow distinction
i'm all over the page
with intense revisions
and decisions
left unmade
a bed to lay in?
make mountains out of misfits
and molehills out of mayhem
'i'll stay, then'..

i'll make it,
no waiting
i crossed you out,
debating
but i let you.. now
cause it's all
that's allowed
the heart's murmur lingers too loud

clarity is the fool's objective
that the moment will gladly provide
i'd rather see it from your side

get lost, or get gone

if i find myself standing on
the border between laughing
and disaster
lose the map
set the trap
call it even
when believing
(in something i have no knowing why)

and
with nothing
that makes sense in my
pocket

what IS all this??!?
words:
like i'm supposed to make beautiful truths
and use poetic justice
to coat you with sugar??

pocketful of
candy
not so much

melodramatics (they suck)

maybe
i'm crazy
but have you looked
at me lately
a million things
breed something
without
wings
inside of me
i am
so
sorry.
under certain
circumstances.

but if
they don't
exist...

i don't care

if they DO
i am
unaware
and need
to be
made
clear

life is not a beach, but it certainly isn't a rope swing, either.

death grip,
find release.
unentangle myself
from
the
knots
i twist
yeah,
the ones
that barely
exist
it is sheer imagination
and poetic
breathlessness
that bind
the ties
i can't
realize

pry each
finger
off the rope
with all
my
might
till they all

let go

and the blood comes back into
each
finger
which hurts,
but that'll go away.
i try
to
remember that.

(this is my last resort
and it's not a warm, beautiful place
that's for sure)

let go..

NOW...

(a rope swings in the wind

back
and
forth

no one sees it
but me)

what i got

i don't want to anymore.

i don't want to watch life go by in a series of blurred out messy entanglements.

i don't want to watch people do things with little to no cognizance of how it affects others.

i don't want to watch myself do things with little to no cognizance of how it affects others.

i don't want to WATCH, at all.

i don't want the pit of my stomach to turn at the realization of things unrealized.

i don't want to see my pieces strewn around me anymore.

i don't want to wait or wish or want or hope for.

i want to pick them up,
and put them together

the pieces
of
wait wish want hope

make
a mosaic
of what
i
got

a lot
a lot.

soon

(now)

cliche (in all ways)

somebody somewhere lit a fire
i simply
tried to admire
but it
just got
higher

the closer i got
the warmer i became
and the warmth
remained
so i stayed
in the
game

this is not the first time i've referenced flame

but burning is bullshit
sparks made of myth
and what i know now,
i'll extinguish it with

sometimes the cold is a beautiful gift

side note

for your information,
that was a live broadcast of
'delusional stupidity', a brief,
yet riveting series of clips.
we will now return to our regular programming,
'reality'.
thanks for watching.

black or white

spinning around
in
awe of design
and baby,
..it's fine
that none of it's mine
but i wonder
..sometimes
if maybe
you'd mind

(if so inclined)

silly girl whines
about 'finding real'

paints pictures of
fear on her hands,
love in her head
instead

she knows though.
no matter how realistic
it won't jump off the canvas
ever

but it is of no help
that random moments of
wishful thinking
and coincidental nothingness
happen to be a
beautiful shade of azure blue
and deep jade green
if you know
what i mean