free..

the part of me
you just watched
get set free
is sick
and shamed
twisted
maimed
my eyes are altered
everything
falters
give
up
before
it's
too
late
she said

why not

the last thing
i said to you
i don't remember it

gumboots

a memory (scent) is chasing me down (you aren't.. it is)
i am hunted
it is gaining
and though worth explaining
i won't give wings to your knowing
or leave my slip showing
(though softly, i am speaking secrets,
and they are louder than i know)

the pull of your absence
is suddenly relentless

again, i guess, i know the drill
my might.. my will
(i quit this habit
once or twice
or ten
or twenty
times.. and now,
the sweet rush of the cryptic rhyme
is heaven
and hell
addiction in its
delicious spell)

i invent a mirage
of colorful
riddle
to speak
because i like
to think
it actually
matters
or shatters
some glass wall

it's high as a kite flies
coasting on maybe and might be

(i didn't mean it like that, see?)

the words are nothing until they are
clearer than mud

just one thing

the real thing
a myth..?
a dream
a subtle insanity
to be afraid of

the right thing
a feeling
or impossible
or undefined
unless by judgment

the sure thing
do you fall on it
is it home
is it more real than the myth
you perceived as
golden
if the myth even is

the last thing
i said to you
i don't remember it
is it real
right
sure
anything
something
can anything be
is there just..

a tickle

picture me, walking along
a shore's edge
gazing glazed eyes faced away from a maze
sweet and playing
softly spaces
bewilderment wandered from

i come
out of some girl's little cave
scared, and saved
(a little bit)
nothing to admit

the eye i spy
a mile of tried lies
and i let it all in now
i'm good, i'm fine
shudder shaking what is this? i don't know
let's see
i said

bitten lip
flutter by
moment so whole in our high
depth and width and grace and laughter
so much
laughter
i am found in what i'm after

i am over it,
i said

constant scatter of thought
really? truly, completely, fully
wholly? was i wrong,
this one and only
yes or no, i don't know
but let the record show
i tried..
and now i leave dignified
shadow of a doubt tickling my throat
really truly completely fully wholly ???

but you came too slowly
you came too slowly

your *sentences* were too long
and hard to understand
but it was i who locked myself up
you never confined me
remember? remind me

i am bliss at this time and that time and
i'm fine
i'm good
i'm still accepted as misunderstood,
here
where all is not clear
and i am willing to place this bet, now.
'cause you can't win
if you don't bet

have i convinced you yet
or me

damn it
i see