asked for it

in the back of my mind
the paper is lined
and my hand is cramped
from the rate at which i write

with all of my might
i push against everything
i have grown
to know
this so-called sideshow

i falter
i fall
i
falter
i
fall

i know i'm not
your afterthought
but in the end
i'll be something you did

don't deny it

how a
second between us
seems so long
how a
mile between us
makes this so wrong

how in words
i am strong
yet inside i rely on
the possibility of everyone anyone else
i wear a dress
and wait

and watch fate
as you come and satiate that need
and slowly
unsteadily
crazily
against my sanity
you grow to consume me in a way i wanted randomly
you, relentlessly
and i, helplessly
and this, stupidly
becomes stuck in my throat, sickly

i bit the apple
and now i'm pissed

you don't understand this rage?
here she is,
inside this cage,
gone mad

i've been read the end of this book
why should i reenact the plot

definitely not
because it's all i've got

what have i got

what
have
i
got

nothing,
it's not

stupid stupid girl
what's selfish?.. well WHAT'S HERS..
mine, yours, anything, nothing, sure
she tucks her mind into something obscure
and forgets to exist or be kissed

she falters
she falls

that's not all