a gift

my heart
wants to envelop everyone affected by the
sudden onslaught of tragedy around me
and release every last one of you
free of
this
pain

if only..

absence leaves scars.

and each time you see the marks left on your heart

you will
remember to
always
give,
show,
all your love
to those you love
just because

you can

because you remember how much
you wish you could
give,
show,
all your love to
those
you can't

there is a gift
in the sadness
and this is it

love...

second verse same as the first

I don't have time to cry
I didn't before
and I don't now
I'm sure

but then I made time
I gave the green light to signs

I asked with open eyes for cerulean skies

one after the other, gunshots
asking me, peeling me
warning me
breathing me

killing me

why so softly

because, you see,
the sound
smothered
so covered in the negligence
my lack of reticence
something I
may never
know

open
eyes
cerulean
skies
tricks, lies
comfort in nothing
I fight
with wild, delicious, instinctual will
because I just might

every last one of you
all fall down

are you on the ground?

what's the new up

she looks up at the sky, with its blue and explosion of sun, shakes her head and says,

'..It's not fair. Not at all...'

1985

my mother
is a bronzed sun goddess
amidst rows of beans and corn.

the sky
is absolute blue.

my father
is somewhere
doing something
and emerges
once in a while with
a wheelbarrow
filled with stuff,
dirt covered pants hanging off his
bum.

i am staring into the sun
because someone told me i would go blind if i did
and i want to prove them wrong.
i am six.
white blonde
peasant blouse
cutoff jeans.

it smells like july
because it is.

soon
we begin digging a hole to china
yelling down it
digging digging digging
hoping they will hear us soon,
me and my counterpart.

then
i am holding a branch as high as i can
in the sky
trying to catch
a bird.

i still am

thumbs up

fascinate mesmerize make insane why?
i'm frightening,
like this
too much nothing making something,
yes.

this one last moment
contains all of it
ask me now, i'll tell you

i drop this
mask like a hot potato
problem is, it doesn't hurt to hold it

my brain tells me that

hello happiness, i see you on the other side
i'm hitching a ride

fooled-eye view

look up, quick. laugh into the sky
beautiful mild cathartic lie
when no longer asleep on a mystery,
the space between here and there
(approximately the length of two blinks one stare)
becomes irrelevant bliss.
this class, dismissed.
matter of fact,
i yawn, stretch, eyes glazed move (awkwardly) past the maze before
its magnetism makes melody fade
out
of the new of my true and i
do
whatever is fool's eye view
for it must confiscate my sense of (you)
for lack of better
things
to
skew
(that way is everything i 'knew')

i can't see it. it's not there?
look up, quick. laugh, i don't care
anything is better
i swear

i speak of dreams that ride on sheep (relentless, wander in my sleep)

an eyelash on my finger
and i make a wish blow it away
what would i even say
what would i even do
what would i even dream anymore
if i got it

i spin spin spin round
some disaster goes faster
tumble to the ground (and then you say.. i think we're alone now)
sometimes players fail to play
and then the game is over

my latest melodrama, the fun new trend (skip to the end)
i was never after
some fake discovery of laughter
is it? though? i don't know
nothing is written in anyone's stone
and no one's cover is anywhere blown
and everything's nothing
so i'll just go home
pace the floor, pretend i soar
make the wildest of my fantasies dance freely in the recesses of absolutely nowhere
so
bored..

maybe i'll sing too
that much, i know to be true.
words on my lips, blow it away
what would i even do
what would i even say
what would i even dream,
anymore
maybe i wouldn't
be
so
bored