though i do

deliciously given a rhythm
and i felt it slide
down my back
intact
with the fact that
i move like i'm me
even though the hole is there, see
my thighs, swollen
with the dance i
held i hold i feel i sway
i make nothing feel sane
i stay
i made misery a part of me, then
i
let
it
go
could i do so,
if you let go..
who knows
who wants to know
i don't

breathe

i sit
in the middle
of what i do not want
and ponder
what i have not got
what you are, a lot
(i remember
how i fought)
get up
and dance
around questions
i never wanted
to want answers to
(i remember
how i feel you,
remember
that i do.)

i am worth
every second
of every breath
you take
in between
the words you say
that can't decide
and i know
you're still
breathing.

you are worth
every second
of every sigh
i make
with a million little
sighs pouring
trickling quickly
down the back of my throat
where my heart
is climbing
steadily
up to your
hands

i wish you could find her
she knows too
she's soft, and blue
and understands the nature
of exhaling
in order
to inhale
fresh
air

wait..

my foot
is starting
to get bruised
from every time
the door closes
on it.

it hurts more
and
more
each
time

i imagine soon it will be numb

and someone will have to
grab a hold of me
and pull
me in
a little
harder
if i am to enter,
as i will be dragging
dead weight..

i hope
i come in
before
that
happens

i answer

random beautiful crazy you ask me i answer
not gently, catastrophe,
reason
for everything, tell me, there is.
the sizzle
the bliss, don't leave me
terrified, monster
under
my
bed
his head, appears
bewildered, unclear i am marking my
territory come on let me
implore me
i wander wonder think think cry
decide i am wise
insane
devise no plan
just run really
really
fast
you want this
just ask, i wander out into your asking
and fear the question revoked
at the merciless mouth of a growl
a spark more dark than the light i couldn't leave, right
i fought i fought i fight
for this shimmering, blissful night
untold unfold everything all over, i'm sold
on the fact i can't
let
go
i must know
something about the nature of beauty,
the beauty of nature
i trust me, i take her
into some
crazy
place
and touch her face

choose your own adventure

i exaggerate
indicate
alleviate
deviate
wait
still
waiting..

debating:
is one
wrong turn
really better
than the other?
you go
the wrong way, either way

definition
of wrong:

words-turned-song

dormant

crazy-making

painstaking

maybe sometimes
wrong
is
right?

fight
or say
good night

wise
can be
insane
but crazy
can be
emotion
(blind)
so.. who.. why.. do i

-untitled-

was never satisfied
to become someone's
backup
vocalist
why
would i
be satisfied
now

true or false

who means what
and what comes up
when the word is heard
in the deepest hurt
it's real then,
but when
that's spent,
love makes no dent
it's just empty space you pace
and pay rent
and remember
what you
meant

i know better,
yet her
mind is a
gutter of
false possibilities,
sweet
soft
pleas
why ask me to stay
what goes my way
what is- fuck this,
who cares
this rut
what must come up?
(nothing)
down she goes
this wind
faint
blows

i think i chose

and choices mean reasons
and meanings, and
demons
something to believe in
always
ends
badly.

sadly,
my heart's descent
is a lesson
in knowing
it was
never
meant