..what i said

admitting how i feel about you
is like

"my name is .....
and i'm an alcoholic"

butterflies and lightning

you make me think
you make me stop and shake my head.. laugh.. want to scream.. wonder.. investigate.. wait
you make words drive me.. flicker laughter through me like fire and smile
i hear you.. you find some me i used to know
...i don't hear a word.. and i know
i see you.. i stare and for nothing i recognize.. only because i can't stop

i don't know why you exist, i know exactly why
i don't think you're real

i don't think i would have to see you to feel you

you are there and i can't focus, breathe, turn away
but i can't stay
my body is alive with the sense of yours (dazed with presence graced)
there is tangible evidence in the space between us
made of butterflies
and lightning

if this is why you run
i understand

who i am could all but fit into you
i know
if your light didn't blind me so
if you didn't go

who we are could make sense from slow

the question

yes

yes i do

so much

it is making holes in my brain

begging me to breathe black

tearing me new eyes from downcast sighs

quenching me with more thirst
less sight

less will, more might

i am sick of your terms

the answer is yes

but only because it is no

all of the above

are you a brick wall
am i your downfall
anything at all

i open my mouth
and you are not
in it
and i can't begin it

laying awake in this
feverish sleep

i never said it would hurt
you did

awake is the new hate

i hate you
and the sound of everything i can't see
you
drive
me
to

the needle
the haystack
the no-one-else-is sudden flashback

ignorant blissful me is dead
she sucked on the sweetness
of frivolousness
and it was tasting mighty fine

now it's sickening
the lingering of stale sweat
a hole filled while soul is chilled
void of all passion of the brain yes the brain

all things intriguing have turned
sour
in
your
breath
and you are holding your damn breath
why do I turn blue?!

you tainted my view

i hate hate hate you

blind me
cover my face.

obliterate

erase.

backspace..

i hate
..so fake,
inspired lie
rests angrily on my lips
moves my hips
drives me
to

where is the sound of you
i
can't
see

let it be

i hate
you

a reasonable facsimile

though i see the sky
for its lightning descent
and all it meant
stars
all
in
line
like mine,
though i asked for nothing
and received more
got giddy off not-sure
words
in
all
ways
my gaze,

arms outstretched
i let it slide off my fingertips
in drips
dissolve into an air of don't-care
that is not there

a cloud of dust
if you must

this is so damn sick! trust?
i wander, lust
and when i stop
my grip becomes deathly
and
no
need
can
breathe
deeply
to grow

who actually knows?
me
or
the magic eight ball

and

are they one and the same
anyway

game is on
who's even here
or gone
who belongs

who sings this song

fish, sea, whatever

waves of sullen grace attempted to replace me
the tornado was still at my heels
for a while
..but a wink
and a smile
find me self indulgently insane again
feels like home

and when i read the news
became clear on just whose clues my brain arranged
sullen grace
seemed
faceless

but it's my
claim to shame
that faces blame
and i run from it now
as if feet could make difference in how
i
f#*ked
up

i read lips
and they purse like mine
make sound
drink wine

fish, sea, whatever
there are more crooked holes for me to fit
i'm sure of it

i won't admit
i won't


love is the irrelevance that counts
i guess

impatiently i shook the box and the prize dropped out
smashing all over the floor